Four months after making a guest appearance in an episode of Touched by an Angel, Williams was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 1999. In the following year, Williams created the MS Foundation, a nonprofit organization with a focus on research and education. Williams has openly stated that he uses medical cannabis, stating it helps to ease his multiple sclerosis-caused neuropathic pain. Williams has become a vocal advocate of cannabis, supporting efforts to pass medical cannabis laws in states, as well as calling for full legalization. He has also said that snowboarding is his "best therapy" for multiple sclerosis, commenting that "When I stand up I need first to hold on to something and think about the positioning of my legs. If I were to just start walking I would fall. I have to get my brain to find my legs and then I will usually take a test step, but I say something at the time to anyone who might be watching to distract from what I'm really doing. Then I'll find places to grab as I walk and talk, sometimes even walking backwards because I have more control that way. People have no idea that I'm doing this. But when I'm snowboarding and my feet are strapped in, my brain seems to have a direct connection to my legs. After snowboarding it's night and day for my balance and walking. There's a real physical change before I get up to the mountain and when I come down. The benefits last for days."
~Montel Williams' Life with Multiple
Sclerosis~
Overcoming Pain and Depression
"My primary symptom is
pain," he says. "I've got pain from my shins to my feet, 24 hours a
day, 365 days a year, and it's been there for the last 10 years."
The pain spread to Montel's face.
"It literally feels like you're taking a fork and stabbing me right now.
People say, 'How the devil do you deal with this?'" he says. "You
have to get a grip."
On top of the pain, Montel also deals
with other crippling symptoms of MS.
Montel says 70 percent of people with
MS have the inability to process high temperatures. For him, it's 85 degrees
and above. "It's like if your computer gets hot and it starts shorting
down," he says. "My brain starts shorting down, and I literally start
losing the ability to move."
In his book Living
Well Emotionally, Montel writes about a trip to Nevada that almost had a
tragic ending. After being exposed to extreme heat, Montel says he experienced
what some call a "chest hug"—a freezing of the diaphragm. "I
thought I was having a heart attack," he says. "For the next five
minutes, I don't know whether or not I need to call 911 or if this was that
chest hug thing. That was the worst I'd ever felt it."
Thankfully, Montel's wife, Tara, was
there to support him. "One of the things that's so magical about this
journey that I've been on is the fact that I have somebody who's taken this
journey one million percent with me…and that's Tara," he says. "She
knows when I'm hurting this way. She has the ability to get her arm under mine
and make me look like I'm holding her. Drag me to another place."
After his diagnosis, Montel says
there was a time when he went into his closet and put a gun in his mouth. He
says he just wanted to stop the pain in his feet, once and for all. "The
only thing that stopped me from doing that is the fact that I had very small
children in the house," he says. "So I got up and said, 'No, I've got
a better idea.'"
To make his death look like an
accident, Montel says he decided to throw himself in front of a car. "[I
thought:] 'Everybody [will] think I fell down. I have MS, they'll get it, no
big deal,'" he says.
With a plan in place, Montel says he
went to Columbus Circle in New York City and jumped in front of a taxi. The
driver slammed on the breaks, narrowly avoiding Montel. Then, he jumped out of
the car and helped Montel to the curb. "I swear to you, that moment I had
an epiphany," he says. "The epiphany was the fact that this man, out
of nowhere, recognized me. He was like, 'Dude, we can't lose you. What
happened? Did you trip?' … He was all concerned about me, and I stopped and I
said: 'How dare I do this? How dare I?'"
After receiving a serious diagnosis,
Montel says a person must learn to deal in his or her own way. "I could
quit and say, 'That's it.' Stay in bed and not get up," he says. "Or
I can get my butt up every single day being a contributing member to this
society and try and figure out how I deal with it."
These days, Montel tries to think of
his disease as a gift. "This is what God gave me," he says.
Montel shares one of his calming
techniques.
Close your eyes.
Think back on a wonderful moment in
your life.
Take two deep breaths.
Open your eyes.
"I go to that place of
gratitude," he says. "I go to that place of fulfillment and taking
advantage of the small things."
He starts the day with an array of
medications—27 pills and a few injections. What's his biggest fear when he wakes
up? Not being able to walk.
To ease the pain in his legs and
build strength, he also hits the gym. Montel says he's rarely missed a workout
since he was diagnosed.
A healthy diet—full of fruits and
vegetables—is also important to Montel's health. "They are cooling for an
inflammatory state, so therefore the more vegetables I put through the body,
the cooler I am," he says. "That may mitigate this pain by about 2
percent."
Some days, no matter how hard he
tries to stay positive, he wishes he
could forget about his illness. "I have those days.’Damn it, I'm tired of
being sick,'" he says. "[But] if I spend less time focusing on how
miserable…I start thinking about stuff outside of me. That's stops the
hurting."
When he wants to get away from it
all, Montel grabs a fishing pole and takes to the water with his father-in-law,
who he calls his best friend.
"I will come out here
deliberately because I don't want anybody to call me," he says. "I
don't want to talk to anybody."
Though he still has dark moments,
Montel has found peace with himself and his illness. "The peace comes from
the knowing, when I finally figured out, I have MS. I have it. MS will never
have me," he says. "I have to accept the fact that I have it, [but]
that doesn't mean I have to give in to it."
Published 03/17/2009
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